Hey, you came across my thoughts today as you often do. So I figure I would put into words what I’m thinking today. As mysterious as you appear that’s how mysteriously you leave each and every time I find you; Wait maybe that’s not accurate you find me. I miss you; I want to touch you, and feel you again. I know, I know each time you have come into my life. I’ve pushed away, avoided you, or hurt you. Not intentionally. However, in my defense, I didn’t know how to keep you happy constantly, I wanted to. I didn’t know how to fight for you. I tried, I felt I wasn’t enough, you needed and wanted someone else not me. I wasn’t good enough. Sometimes I didn’t touch you, or embrace you. Sometimes I yelled instead of calming talked. Something I made mistakes, but I never walked away from you. I was committed to you. I gave you all of me. Emptied my soul, opened my heart and poured it all out, only for you to walk away and leave me. Yes, I am still trying to figure out why? Questioning my life, my body, and my mind still, someone else gets to reap the benefits of holding you, laughing with you, playing with you, talking with you. You accepted all their imperfection. Why not mine? Am I so bad that you couldn’t stay with me, teach me, and grow with me? After all this time I still need you, desire you, and want you. But I need you to want, need, and desire me and only me.
I cry sometimes, you know, because you’re not there. It’s empty without you, yet I know you’ve moved on without me. They say wait for it. They say it wasn’t meant to be, they say if it’s not for you don’t be for it. I wonder have they ever felt like I feel right now. Longing, missing and waiting for my time.
There was a time when I looked for you but you were nowhere to be found. So I stopped searching for you. I stopped looking at my phone to see if you’ve called. I quit going to the mail box or checking my emails to see if you had written me. I stop wondering if I even cross your mind. I’ve even stopped day dreaming that you might climb mountains, cross the wavy sea, and walk for days in the cold wind to find me and say; Hey, I’d been looking for you all over, I missed so much, you have no idea what I have been through since the last time I saw you. I am so sorry, for losing you. And I will never leave you again. I need you in my life; I can’t make it with you. Can you ever forgive me; can we start over again, please? What a great ending to a romantic movie right, only in the movies right? We’ll just another one of my random thoughts of you, I do hope to be with you again someday, and it’s just not the same without you….
Written by Ginajo