It’s not like I haven’t been here before this place where I feel empty, lost and unsure about me, my future and about my past yeah this place. Way too familiar the last time I was here. I thought was the last time. I would never come back, I just knew this was it. This time it felt so real. When I saw it, touched it , I couldn’t believe it. It was so bright and shiny I couldn’t wait to get to it so I ran fast and I jump in. And just like that, it turned into a mirage. Imagine my surprise. So I quickly tried to walk away and ran right into a dead-end street. Big yellow signs that said no way out. Except to go back the way you came. I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to face what I had seen in myself and all the things that I had done and didn’t do. I didn’t listen, I saw the signs I promise, I just ignored them because I so wanted this to be. I wanted this so bad, maybe that’s why I didn’t get it. It wasn’t mine. It belonged to someone else clearly, but it wasn’t mine. It was mine to touch, to see, to feel, but not to keep.
Now what do I do now that I have left that place that was so familiar. I’m thinking, learning, building me, again. I don’t like it, but it’s necessary. Can somebody tell me why I keep finding it, but I can’t keep it. Where do I find what belongs to me. I see it, I hear it calling my name, it even warms me when I’m cold, it lifts my head when I’m sad, it makes me laugh, it comforts me, oh how it feels me with such passion, it adores me and it protects me. Yet, I keep finding imitation and look a likes, and been taken to mirages with echoes of lies time and time again. So here I am trying to put the pieces back together again. Wondering what did I do… and perhaps it’s not me. I’ve come to the conclusion that it wasn’t mine. But seriously, can someone tell me how to find what belongs to me. I believe I’m ready for it, I’m open, loyal, excited, and stable. Stop you say, Wait, you say… focus.
Ok, ok, ok, I’ll go back from where I came. And I’ll start again this time I will take a different route but this time. I’ll read the signs all of them. And I will pay attention and listen. And even if it’s shiny I won’t run and won’t jump. Easy does it, a slow and steady pace. Then I will find what belongs to me. And when I do.
It will need me, want me, desire me, protect me, comfort me and won’t lie to me but embrace me. There will be no echoes of lies, and most of all it will want to stay with me because it belongs to me.
Written by GinaJo
Life happens and when it does.. lift your head and keep moving forward. If it hurts cry, if you can’t speak don’t, take the time needed to heal. Be U~ DeW U ~ LuV U because after all Ur all U got….Love yourself enough to know you deserve better. And wait for it.